Dealing with anger is one of the hallmarks of a mature person. We admire a person who maintains his composure in the midst of the nastiest of circumstances. How do people do it?
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| Anger is a Danger warning sign. When you see it, heed it. Photo Credit: "Almost Done!" by Tama Leaver |
Anger is a natural human emotion. Because it's natural, expressing it is part of our own human processes, much like urinating or defecating. You don't stop it. You only manage where it goes. Make sense?
I am not an anger management specialist. I'm a coach, ok? So, what I'm about to say are not prescriptions. You may disagree or challenge any of the following points, but focus on only one or two that may help you today.
Here are the points:
1. Acknowledge That You're Angry
The moment your adrenaline starts to get into your bloodstream, be an expert in recognizing it or acknowledging it. That would set a series of mental programs that would carry you through the event subconsciously.
Of course one can only hope that such programs lead you to the toilet as quickly as possible. You see, you have the right to be angry. But you don't want to look ugly.
That leads us to the next point ...
2. Let it flow, but manage where it goes
You may hold it, but don't even think of completely stopping it. You don't do that when you feel like urinating or defecating, right? What you do is look for the best possible place to express your anger.
The best place may or may not be the situation you're in. You decide. You may need to display your outburst now. But at times you may need to excuse yourself and blow your top some place else.
Blow? How do you manage a volcanic eruption? The next point may help ...
3. Temper anger with oxygen
Unlike real flames that burst all the more with oxygen, human anger gets tempered by it. That means, b-r-e-a-t-h, and b-r-e-a-t-h, and b-r-e-a-t-h. There is scientific research that backs this up.
There is enough martial arts experience that backs this up too. If you can't find a psychologist to explain this to you, find a karate black belter who can explain it to you based on experience.
With more oxygen in your bloodstream, the following point becomes easier for you...
4. Temper anger with silence in between words
That's right! Speak slowly. Discerning people around you who sense that you now begin to speak slowly would know that you are managing your anger well. The least they could do is to help you do it.
The next point would help your friends help you...
5. Keep your voice low
When you're angry, oftentimes there are only two people interested in helping you handle it -- you and your friend. A low voice will keep your friend interested. I mean, you wouldn't want him to lose interest, would you?
Here's one more point that can help keep your friend interested...
6. Minimize your physical movement
With adrenaline in your blood stream, it's easy to become clumsy or do things you would regret later on. So, sit still or stand still (while taking deep breaths and keeping your voice slow and low, of course).
Standing still or sitting still while your adrenaline flows may not be your cup of tea. In this case, take the slightest of excuses to do the next point...
7. Take a break
A fellow manager of mine, who was 4 years older than me, taught me this. I was impressed by his composure, even in the midst of heated debate. But during breaks, he usually disappeared from the scene. No, he was even nowhere to be seen at the coffee table.
Where did he lurk? He was at the parking lot, getting fresh air.
I talked to him about this behavior and he explained it to me fairly well -- air was fresher outside of the board room and conference room, there were refreshing green trees to stare at, as well as some nice people to have a little chat with. He said he did that usually when his adrenaline was high (he didn't use the word "angry" a lot, which was also cool.)
Would you want to try that today?
This post is getting long, and I have three more points to say. I would just list them down and focus on them in future posts:
8. Don't make decisions when you're angry
9. Find out what exactly made you angry
10. Determine the learning
Live a prosperous life!
CoachMarvin.com
FANNING THE FLAMES OF EXCELLENCE IN PEOPLE AND ORGANIZATIONS
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